Reviews for the One Ring
by Gigigue
Summary: The One Ring is being sold on Amazon, and the previous owners express their opinions on the product in the form of reviews. One-shot.


**A/N: So, this was a response to McJunker's challenge. Basically, these are Amazon reviews for the One Ring, from the perspectives of Isildur, Smeagol, Bilbo, Frodo, and Sam. **

**Customer Reviews for: The One Ring of Power  
**

_23 out of 49 found the following review helpful.  
_

_2 Stars_ **Useless and yet Precious **_May 20, Year 2 of the 3rd Age  
_

_By **Isildur Son of Elendil**_

So, I bought this ring because I knew the dark lord Sauron used to have one of these, so I really wanted to study it. As it turns out, it didn't really do much for me at all. I mean, it sat around in a vault while I took extensive notes. Seriously, the only cool thing about it was that it had writing on it that only appeared when you threw it in the fire. Well, that and it turned me invisible when we were being attacked by orcs, but they shot me anyway! So yeah, having this Ring only shortened my lifespan. At the same time, I've gotten kind of attached to it. Huh. Anyways. Only two stars since it didn't really work.

_1 out of 63 found the following review helpful._

_4 1/2__ Stars_ **IT'S MINE! MY PRECIOUS! **_April 7, Year 3019 of the 3rd Age  
_

_By_ **_Smeagol GOLLUM_**

IT'S MINE! MY PRECIOUS! NOBODY ELSE BUYS IT! WE LOVES IT, YES PRECIOUS! AND THEY STOLE IT FROM US! It turned us into a murderer - YES PRECIOUS! WE TOOK IT FROM STUPID DEAGOL! WE HATES HIM! But he was our friend - NO, HE TRIED TO TAKE THE PRECIOUS! The precious ruined our lives - NO! IT DIDN'T! SHUT UP! And we died when we follows it into the lava - SHUT UP! WE LOVES THE PRECIOUS! MASTER TOOK THE PRECIOUS FROM US! WE HATES HIM! But Master's our friend - HE TOOK IT! STUPID FAT HOBBITSES! MY PRECIOUS!

_47 out of 56 found the following review helpful._

_5 Stars_ **Increases life span. **_October 16, Year 3021 of the 3rd Age_

_By_ _**Bilbo Baggins**_

This ring has been my constant companion for 131 years! I first bought it in order to escape from a mountain full of goblins, and as soon as I put it on - POP - I disappeared. Nobody could see me, and I was able to escape unharmed. It helped me again later on to converse with a dragon during my first burglary job. The best part is that it increases life span! As stated earlier, I lived for 131 years, which is longer than the Old Took himself. There are a couple side effects, which include: Mood swings, a thin and stretched feeling, and possessiveness. Also, if you ever lose the ring, you will start aging again very quickly. Other than these side effects, I highly recommend this ring as an effective means to achieve long life, and for all your invisibility needs.

_45 out of 45 found the following review helpful.  
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_3__ Stars_ **impossibl to distroy** _October 17, Year 3021 of the 3rd Age_

_By **fr****odo baggins**_

honistly, i cant decide wether or not i like this ring. perks: you can disapear, and its cool and shinee. its also practicaly impossibl to distroy. i literaly had to throw it in a volcano beforr if finaly melted. man, what did they mak it out of? negativs: sauron was alwayz trying to tak it from me, and i had a stalker alwayz followin me. he ended up biting off my fingur, which is why my typins so bad. oh, anuther perk - if you claim the ring for your own, you can have incredibl power. sweet, huh?

_67 out of 98 found the following review helpful._

_1 Star_ **Ultimate rip-off! **_October 21, Year 3021 of the 3rd Age__  
_

_By **Samwise Gamgee**_

Do not buy this product! I am going to regret my own purchase of it for the rest of my life. I bought this for my friend for his birthday, but after using it for a while, he started acting really weird. He started getting mad at me for random reasons, and even stopped being friends with me for a while. He was stabbed, tortured, strangled, and even had his finger bit off by a stalker - all these people were trying to take the ring from Frodo! I mean, seriously! If people are selling this, it shouldn't cause this many problems. Seriously! What were these people thinking?! In fact, I should probably sue! You know what, I think I'll do that. Lawyer!

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! Please review - I'll really appreciate it!**


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